Is it normal to just freak the fuck out about watercolors? Or like, colors in general?
Lately, I've found myself getting really worried about this kind of thing. I've spent hours fussing with my watercolors, doing tests on the effects of mixing versus layering, and coming away from it all still wondering whether I like the color green.
(Which I like in theory, but whenever I use it, everything just looks sort of vegetal.)
I used to think that this kind of single-minded preoccupation meant I was a dedicated artist, but I know enough about my stress triggers to realize that this isn't healthy behavior.
If I don't force myself to take a step back, I'll only end up BLACK SWAN-ing myself.
That's a real thing.
It's from that Natalie Portman movie, where she's a ballerina and she just wants to be PERFECT, so she works so hard and so long that she loses her grip on reality and fucks up her brain and, oh yeah, starts dream-banging Mila Kunis.
(That's a deliberately obtuse description of a really great movie. Seriously, everyone. Go see BLACK SWAN.)
I watched it the first time a few years ago and it was ridiculous how scared I was. It's an intense movie, sure, but I was probably so freaked out because it hit me on a really deep level. Like the way I get super-scared at ghost movies or possession movies, because deep down, I really think that I'm extra-susceptible to hauntings and/or demon possession.
In the case of me Black Swanning myself, I need to remember that spending hours nit-picking every line I draw and color I paint will not lead me to Perfection.
In fact, I'm fairly certain that Perfection doesn't even exist, which means we're all basically stuck on a Hedonic Treadmill that's never going to stop until we just collapse in a heap of sweat and old paint-jar water.
So, uh, yeah.
There's that.
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