So, at my day job, I work with this kid who's a total asshole. He just... sucks. I won't go into the details. Anyway, he snapped at me, I tried to talk to him like an adult, and things got heated.
I left before I started yelling and/or crying.
It takes a lot for me to get mad about something, and when I do, it's like this big rush of emotion that fills up my chest until its so tight I feel like I'm going to explode. And the only escape hatch for all that emotion seems to be through my tear ducts.
I wish I were one of those people who can get mad and just feel the righteous warmth of it. People who use the energy to talk louder. And stand up straighter.
But I'm not. Intensely angry feelings are too weird and intense for me. I'm not the kind of person who yells easily, so that means sometimes everything just threatens to pour out of my eyeballs, instead.
Which is why I left work early that day.
On the drive home, I was annoyed at myself for being such a baby about everything. And, as we all know, berating yourself for feeling feelings is the BEST way to get rid of said feelings! Still, I didn't want to cry, so I held it in.
When I got home, I did something even better... I wrote a scathing letter to my boss about the bullshit that had just transpired.
Oh, yes.
I'm a master at the scathing letter. I don't write them often, but when I do, I get this incredible rush. Because I KNOW that I've absolutely hit it out of the park. In almost every creative situation, I doubt my ability to write good prose, but when I'm writing persuasively about something that has pissed me off?
I don't know, man. Something happens.
I CHANGE. My fingers are nimble as they pound the keys, not a trace of hesitation. My thoughts are liquid perfection. Scathing letters are my jam.
As a writer, it's the one super-power that I know I have. (My Kryptonite, obviously, is when I actually have to deal with conflict face-to-face.)
Sigh. You guys, I really wish I could post this letter online, because it is a thing of beauty. Obviously it's not a good idea to do that. But yeah.
I write emails really well when I'm bitching about someone I'm actually jealous of.
ReplyDeleteI'm just... better at everything when I get to type it out. Or draw it, or whatever. I wish I were one of those bad-ass people who can do things perfectly or at least awesomely, in the moment. But I'm starting to wonder whether said people are as good at written communication. Because, like, they haven't HAD to learn how to do a mean letter--they just say things.
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