My Big Fat Panic Attack - pt 2

This is Part Two of a 3-part series. Check out Part 1.

All right. So, there I was. Stressors piling up, forming a ton of bricks that was shortly going to dive-bomb me. And there I was, pretending that everything was

JUST FINE, OKAY? GAWD!

Never mind that I was drinking more than usual, which (for me) means drinking at all. I wasn’t getting drunk-drunk, understand. Only people who have a problem get drunk-drunk. BUZZED was what I wanted.

If I played this right, it was just enough to take the edge off and distract me from whatever pesky emotions I was feeling.


You’d think this would lull me into a nice little evening stupor, but I was also having trouble sleeping. I’ve always had sleep issues in one way or another, but they get especially bad when I’m feeling depressed or stressed.

Bad like, can’t get to bed without some form of chemical help... sort of bad. Which was how it had been for at least four months.

Oh, yes. Alcohol and sleeping pills. Two great tastes that could totally mess you up--together!

I even read the stuff on the sleeping-pill label that tells you not to combine with alcohol, but I was so desperate to relax that I just kind of went with it.

That alone is a warning sign. I wasn’t trying to hurt myself deliberately, but being willing to potentially put yourself in harm’s way should be a giant warning sign.

A giant warning sign that I quickly twerked past, of course.

My panic attack finally hit me one night after I had gone to see the second HOBBIT movie with some friends. I’d had a kick-ass time--spaghetti, conversation, then DRAGONS for God’s sake.

And then, suddenly, it happened.

I was crying and freaking out and worrying about tomorrow and every single thing, ever. My heart was punching the inside of my chest, threatening to burst out. My veins felt like they were laced with electrical wire. All I wanted was for everything to just stop.

Oh, yes.

I was in the midst of my very first panic attack.

Next time: Getting Worse! Getting Better! And How I learned to stop worrying and turn off my phone!

Tune in later. Same bat-time, same bat-channel.

Update: Check out Part 3!